I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
