you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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