Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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