Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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