the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
