okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
