the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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