i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
