I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
