At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
