im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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