If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
