YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
