Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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