I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This baby is an asshole
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
