I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
