ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
