I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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