you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
