My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
