you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
