she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
