At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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