i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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