Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
