jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
