I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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