i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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