the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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