I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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