4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
