New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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