He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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