Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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