just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
