Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You took a bar mat shot.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
