I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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