No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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