I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
