Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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