so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
