New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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