i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
