then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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