He managed to light the Jello on fire...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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