Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
