yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
