She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
