I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
