Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
